Well, I have emailed back about setting up an appointment with my counsellor. I'm not sure if I particularly want one because I honestly have no idea what I'm going to say when I get in there. At the moment it's gotten to "occasionally I get so miserable I can't get to classes, then it goes away and things get back to normal until it happen again". Maybe it's pride, maybe it's fear, maybe it's genuinely not knowing what my underlying issues are, but I have really hit a point where I just don't want to talk about it any more. I feel like I've talked myself in circles and while it does feel good to vent, eventually I'm just going to have to accept that maybe there is something chemically wrong with my brain that I may very well have to live with. The other side of the coin, of course, is that I know I've been as vulnerable as I ever will be with my counsellor or anyone else. She's been a HUGE help -- she got me through some serious issues with my parents and helped me learn to value myself and my own judgements, as well as to be more assertive in my daily interactions. That on its own has helped lift my depression from unliveable to at least a bearable level. Even if I wanted to open up further, I don't think I have the capacity to do it. There are just some doors I'm not prepared to open, not with anyone, not even within my journal. Until I can -- if I ever can -- I don't really see how much help counselling is going to be.

I'm not sure if this makes sense, I'm just a little on edge today I guess...