i don't think it's wrong. i think with SI, it can be very addicting. i do think that it will be an issue for life for me. i've had times where i went without SI for a few days at a time and it was a good improvement. i've had weeks without it then i went back again. i've gone months without it and gone back... i think the longest i went might have been a bit over a year, maybe a year and a half. but i still think that it comes back. it's my addiction that goes dormant every so often, but it never goes away completely. sometimes i have felt so conflicted because i went so long without hurting myself and suddenly i was having intense urges again. and it wasn't because i was feeling bad again, i was actually really happy. i just wanted it. craved it. it was a very weird thing to try to figure out those feelings. still don't understand why i would want SI for no reason sometimes.

i also think it's very interesting to evaluate the response of animals. i think they feel a lot even though they don't know as much about what's going on. i think cats are very emotional, or at least they pick up on human emotions. i've had a cat that came to cuddle me specifically when i was sad (a cat that didn't often snuggle). my partner has said one of her cats acts really weird when she's felt guilty about SI. she said it was probably the guilt that her cat was sensing from her... how would the cat know that she went to the bathroom to SI? but she gave this crazy "i know what you're up to" look. that's so weird to me. but i still think the cats kinda know what's up given your emotions, if they know you well.