Here are a few things I've learned about confidence and the lack of it:

What you have is your uniqueness. No-one else looks, talks, moves, sounds just like you. You can be open, alert, animated and free to be yourself or you can be quiet, subdued, motionless and silent. You have a choice. Watching someone animated and bright, expressing themselves freely and happily is to watch something special, a person manifesting him/herself. That person is probably very interesting and attractive to others, if she/he doesn't hide their light under a bushel.

You might have blue eyes and wanted brown eyes. Your hair might not be the colour or type you wanted, and so on. But there are people out there who love your hair and eye colour. They might not say so, because people don't tend to comment on these things, but those things you see as ugly or uninteresting are interesting to someone. I always wanted to have blue eyes, thought they were so striking and pretty, then I met someone who loved my brown eyes enough to say so ... then I remembered others had commented on them in the past, noticed them, mentioned how dark they were. I was stunned to realise that this feature I thought boring was of interest to some. The moral of this story is that you can be pretty sure people are not thinking about you the way you think they are.

You might not realise this, but someone, somewhere wants the talents you have, those talents you probably take for granted. They are special and unique to you. Don't assume they are valueless.

People will want to spend more time with you and be closer when they realise you are happy with that. The more withdrawn and cool you are with them, the more afraid they will be of taking a risk to get closer to you. Other people fear rejection too and you have the power to reject them. Let them know you are open to them and want to get to know them and you'll be surprised what happens.

Those 'it' people who you think are so great and attractive that you don't bother with them because you think they wouldn't be interested ... well, they are probably wondering if anyone is going to talk to them. If you are cool or uninterested in them, as a form of self-defence because of your shyness, they will think you don't like them. Be warm and friendly, talk to them, make sure they know you like them at least enough to have a brief chat with. Strangely enough, the 'in crowd' also need to feel loved.

We spend most of our lives following rules. Rules are there for a reason, of course, but some pertaining to our personal lives are rubbish. Why shouldn't you risk rejection in order to get talking to that girl/guy? Because they might say no? So what? Life is short and about being daring and breaking the rules. Be proud of yourself for being the exciting person you can be. Look at the rules and think whether they are relevant to you. I'm not talking about a law-breaking issue here, but those petty rules that people set up for puritanical reasons. (I love Paulo Nutini's lyrics "Who are you answering to?") Why can't you tell someone you like them? Why can't you get chatting to that person at the bus-stop or in the shop, just because it's not the done thing? If they reject you, well at least you can congratulate yourself for living life in the moment. When you are older and can no longer do these things, what will you regret? Take emotional risks while you can. Re-evaluate every rule and decide which rules are good for your soul and which aren't. It should give you a fresh look on everything.

Finally, decide what you need from friends, what qualities you like and admire, how you want them to treat you, then choose your friends accordingly. Do not involve yourself with people who don't treat you well. This should give you a baseline for relationships and will help you to realise you are selecting friends too; it's not just the other way round.

Some thoughts for the day!