I can relate to a lot of what you've posted; I'd give more detail but I'm kind of in a weird state of mind today so my concentration is bad...but I did want to say
and that I've met a lot of supportive and kind people here!!
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."