Hi

Sorry I disappeared off here for the weekend mostly... I didn't know what to write or what to say really.

Byz, Mark is the ex.

Okay so lets start with the young guy (Richard)... I am a little freaked out by him. Too fast too soon.
He sent me a message the next day saying he was going to deleted his account on the dating site because he only wants to get to know me...
His facebook status' is ALL about me..
Like it was one date and imo not a great one. 3 hours of him staring into my eyes and trying to kiss me.. me sitting there not knowing how to get his attention off me and onto something else.
Not sure what i am going to do there... he was meant to just be a distraction from the whole Mark issues.

Now for the stuff I am sure you have maybe been waiting for....
Mark cancelled Sunday's meeting.... I told him he was a gutless pig
He said he just wasn't ready to talk as he didn't have the answers yet blah blah...

In the end we met up yesterday for coffee (it was Monday and he took an hour off work to come see me).
He looks good and bad all at once.. he'sa not sleeping, that much is evident. I had told him that we wouldn't have any d & m's (deep and meaningful conversation).. okay so I lied LOL but he knew it too.
He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know if he loves her or not. Calls himself an idiot for getting engaged to her. and bascially an idiot for everything that he has done in the last 6 months.
I asked if he knew she knew he was meeting me. He said he hadn't todl her but if she asked then he would (she would have noticed that he was missing at work for over an hour). I said well that will open a can of worms... he said why? I said well if I was in her shoes then I wouldn't want him meeting with me, he just shruged his shoulders. I said how would you feel if she was meeting her ex? He said he wouldn't care. He actually doesn't seem to care if she is happy or not - and yes he knows that is a problem.

I guess I solved one thing... he's not playing games with me. I can look into his eyes and see that. He has asked for more time to sort out what he is feeling. I said that I had given him to the end of May.
He said he misses everything about 'us' but can't leave her for me - that it wouldn't work out if he did that.. he has to not want to be with her first and then we can see what happens.

The bugger of it all is that I do still love him - I look into his eyes and it's still there. We hugged good bye and he clung to me - told me to eat something as I was too skinny and I grabbed his chunky love handles and said "well, they are still there" LOL.

It was nice. I know that it has made him more confused and me more the same.. but now I am in his head properly..

I just hate waiting!!

Sorry for the long post and I have left out so much but it's all a jumble in my head