This is true and I am very aware of it. My PTSD was very out-of-control after my son was born and it was very obvious. I sought professional help weekly from when my son was 3-weeks-old, until 6-weeks-old, then I lost my insurance, so I couldn't go to talk to the doctor or take the medication anymore. Then I got back on when my son was 5-months-old and they took me off the insurance again a month later. I gave up. But my mother took me to a T for four sessions while I was visiting her and paid completely out of pocket, because it was so bad. I feel like I'm doing better now, but mostly, because I'm dissociating and also because of my faith.

Yes, I'm still dealing with these things even if they are just memories. And I can see he is like the kidnapper and doing things similar. I know, he wants me to stay in this house so that he can have some control over me and come see me even if I don't want him to at all. It's very aggravating.

I am planning on moving in with my friend, as long as my husband and my mom think it's okay. Since my husband said it's not the best neighborhood I'm uncertain about it now. But my mother is coming to visit in a week and she will take me to a hotel. She is going to help me get things taken care of that I need to do.

Yes, I do not remember much of my childhood. There are pieces missing and at least a year I don't remember at all. But I do have pieces of memories of physical sexual abuse. But I do remember he showered with me and my sister until we were in middle school and he did not allow us any privacy. He had all the doors in the house blocked so that we could not close them to change or use the restroom and he wouldn't close the bathroom door while he used it or shower, so we would see him naked. He even had a full length mirror on the door so that he could see almost every bit of our room. He would also walk around in just underwear. He even has a video of us and you can see him in the mirror in parts and he was wearing nothing but underwear. I'm suprised you could sense he was abusive in this way.

Thank you and I will try very hard to get out by this month. You give me more determination to leave.

No, but I did file police reports. I could not go that far. I was still very scared and didn't want to think about what happened at all. But I wanted to try mostly, because the other girl was still there. The police told me the couldn't find any records of the man, because he was an illegal immigrant. I know he had many aliases. The name he told us to call him, I don't believe it was his real name. I have to file another report within the other city limits. I suppose if I can get there and do that, it could go further. But for one thing, the main piece of evidence now is my son's DNA and I really don't want any validation and reports saying that that man is the blood father of my son. I've only been able to cope enough with it, because he calls my husband daddy.

Yes, I can see he still has some power over me and that makes me angry. I don't want him to at all. He has no right to. And I can change that by moving.

Since I have no transportation and no real support around, I haven't been able to see a T, no matter how much I want and need to. I will when I get the chance. I will try harder to make that possible.

I met my husband about 3 years before the kidnapping, but only started a relationship with him two years prior to the kidnapping.

Well, my husband is in jail and that is why I had to come to my father's house after I got out of captivity. He will be there for about another 6 months. He's never met my son face to face, but he talks to him on the phone and he sends him cards and drawings and writes little letters to him, that he doesn't even understand much. But my husband is the main person who worked to get me out of captivity. I was lucky. This guy that kidnapped me, he knew my brother-in-law. He was working at the apartments I was living in. I saw him a few times before and spoke to him twice before he took me. He knew I was married, this is what I told him. I didn't think he was hitting on me, because he told me I looked like I couldn't be older than 15. I was 18. But anyway he gave me his phone number and I gave the phone number to an old friend of mine for some reason. I never called the guy. But somehow my grandfather got a hold of the number and called the man over and over until he finally answer one day. I was right there when he answer it. He told him he didn't know woh I was or what he was talking about. Then I heard my grandfather scream through the phone that he was going to call the police if he didn't let talk to him then he was going to call the police. He let me talk to him, but he made me tell him I was okay. After that, he let me write my husband, but I had to tell him I was okay and he let me talk to my mom on the phone occassionally, but I would get threats that he wouldn't let me communicate with them and I would be hurt if I ever tried to say something bad about him or the truth about what was going on. He read all the letters I wrote and if I said anything wrong he would throw them away and hurt me. And he wouldn't let me have my husband's letters if he said anything bad about the man or asked what was going on. But my husband got the address of where I was and he called my father to go get me from there. My husband was in a half-way house at the time and was only allowed to leave to go to work. Anyway, my husband seems to have PTSD from the kidnapping as well. He's very afraid about me being alone out here. He's scared something will happen again. He's afraid I won't be able to protect myself. But anyway, he is the one that helped me accept my pregnancy. When I was pregnant, he told me that he was praying for the baby, because the baby is innocent and he did nothing wrong. I couldn't see that before he said that and that may sound crazy. I'm so thankful he said those things to me. I probably would have given my son up for adoption if he hadn't said that. It does hurt him at times, usually when he's depressed, that our son is not his blood. The other inmates have teased him now, because our son has blonde hair and light skin, and they tell him he's not a man and needs to leave me, because he's obviously not his. The kidnapper's race is about 100% Native American. My husband's race is mostly Native American, but also about a quarter African and also Causcasian and Asian. The kidnapper's skin was very dark, but not as dark as my husband's. And crazy enough, the kidnapper's hair was black and my husband's is lighter, brownish black. So our kids might actually have lighter hair. But my son and my husband both have the same unusual eye color, brown and gray. The kidnapper's eyes were just brown. I know his hair will get darker and probably soon. My grandfather had blonde hair until he was 2 and then it turned black. My husband is sad sometimes now, because it seems to him that my son is getting lighter, when we thought he would get darker. But he is very loving and concerned for him. He puts my sons needs before his and ours. He'd rather my son have food before anything we want or need. He's also been an amazing support to me emotionally. Even though I wasn't allowed to tell my husband the truth about what was going on in captivity, I think those little letters he sent help keep me alive in my mind and now he's still so compassionate and understanding.