I know what you are saying. I did something terrible and stupid last year. I knew it was terrible and stupid while I was doing it, but I did it anyway. It's like having the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. There is a voice of reason, but there is also a voice that tells me its ok to do the terrible and stupid thing. I don't know what to do about it. I hope I never do something so stupid again. I don't think I will, but I didn't think I would the first time either. Sigh... You aren't alone.