My Support Forums - View Single Post - Triggering-those within are working on issues

anderson · May 04, 2010, 11:09 AM

The roller coaster of internal convestations.

~~~~~~~~~~Going UP~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sharing the good feeling of events. At our Sunday gathering, we had an opportunity to be with people that we trusted and have a good time. There was a couple of dark souls there. But the good guys kept them in check and allowed us to feel safe and protected.
~~~~~~~~~~Leveling out~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```
Those inside felt that if we could have this at Sunday gatherings then we should be able to do so with others that we trusted……
Went to a person that we trust but know that he had heard bad info so we took a chance to see if we could get him to just get to know us……………..
.................Going UP and Down on the ride…………….
Said yes, I should have seen it coming acted like a first class jerk…….. Those with in dropped……………………………….
WE cut….. How can we even think about going back to work if we can not even get those that we know not to hurt to let us in their life……………………………….we bottom out,...........................
there is a fate worst then death, being abuse and no one willing to put a stop to it, even more so being aware of it and yet outsiders act as if it is kosher to abuse some one if they have no memoir of the events… ………………….............................................
.............Starting to calm down on a straight stretch ………………….
The gathering……..Those that sit around deciding my fate but has only one person talking to my face as others sit around to listen to my / answers………….. This is where we tell the person that we have lived a lie for 10 years because no one would take custody of our son. This hit all of us putting a number on it and saying it out loud hit us in the gut…
................…..the floor dropped out from under us…….
More cutting………………. We told the person even if half the people that clamed what they did lied, The fact that it did happen still hurts and we want out of the game………………..
Next thing we know we had buttons pushed………. Found out that one of the Dalmatians’ safety checks had been used against us……
The Dalmatians would do a safety check on the men by checking their privates to make sure that they did not have the wrong intention towards our body………….. We found out that some where someone told that it was an invite not a way to see if we needed to make a run for it……………………. Going up………..someone spent time with us to help us feel safe again……… even got to see some real Papa and Mama Bears……………. Dalmatians like it but realized that we still had a problem how can we support our selves if what we consider safety checks where going to be used against us… …………………… ..level part of the ride but it went Up and down..............
as those with in processed this information ……. Went to our Sunday gathering we were accepted and they did try to make us feel welcome but still we had some within feeling what is the use of being accepted here if we can not get it out in the community…… ….. Not only that but two dark souls where there and we were not able to just ignore them they represented the population that believed it was kosher to have sex with a person that had could not remember it. These were the ones that cried fowl but where the ones that enjoyed the power rush of making a person do what they would not normally do. ………………………….. Sound off more to a friend that we felt comfortable with about the unfairness of being the victim but still being made to feel like it was my /our fault………. These people made others feel like they were the victume and that we where suppose to carry the weight of abuse and that we forced them to hurt us……………………… That is so back wards ……….. They just passed a law here that says all Hispanic needs to carry their papers with them to prove that they are citizen or legal residence……. The debate is who carries their papers and why do they have to prove it or be deported…….. Our question is why do we have to endure this when all that is held against us is word of mouth and panic attacks……….. Now if we had these should it not have proven that we are the victims not those that where around us at the time that we had a melt down …… In a court of law there has to be physical evidence but when it comes to rumors the louder the better and no proof is needed just a large enough group of people willing to support it …………… We are just stressed out because we do have people that do hear us but it is always the ones that hurt us that make us feel not wanted because we have to be the ones to prove fawl………… PC world has defiantly been a grounding place for us to come to terms with the rules that we have to live with and not feel so alone with the cards that we have been dealt with………….