If you're not eating properly feary it will affect your moods. If you're underweight you will be depressed just as a symptom of that, nevermind all the other things making you depressed. I know it's hard but it is important to eat well.
My therapist is of the opinion that once I'm a normal weight (I suffer with an eating disorder) all of the depression, anxiety, might go away (I don't believe this but I know eating properly and being a proper weight is very important). So, it is important to be getting the right food, for your mind.

I remember it wasn't long ago you were put onto a new med, I do think it might take time for you to say it's not working. When I was put on mirtazipine I swore blind that it didn't work and I hated it. I started on 15mg I think, then 30mg and after about 2 months I went to the doctors, absolutely desperate, saying I felt so much worse, I was so up and down and some days I wanted to die, I said this medication isn't working, it's making me worse... and she said she they are not side effects of the medication, just that the medication hasn't worked (at that dose)... and she increased it. I hated the idea but nothing I could do other than just stop taking it, so I gave it a try. About 2 weeks later something clicked, the ups and downs had gone, I was feeling fine... and did for more than 2 weeks. This week seems harder but I still think the meds are working. But if you asked me a month ago I'd tell you my meds weren't working. It could be the same for you, hold on in there!

SOmetimes we have to wait to see if they take effect.
You might be right and you've not found the right one for you. But like you said you are working with top doctors, I'm sure they know what they are doing with experimenting with these meds.

feary I know you say you lost everything, and I know it must be so so difficult, I've been through similar though not the same... but you CAN rebuild a life back up. You still have your children, you can meet new friends, find a new direction (why do you have to change direction though? if you liked what you were doing could you still do that?)

It must be very scary, but there is hope. Things can improve. Try not to panic that things aren't better immediately, because it will take time. You're doing the right thing seeking help, keep talking about your worries with your therapist, maybe she can help you find better ways to cope with your stress and panic?