I know I need to go to the hospital, because I'm a danger to myself right now, I don't think I will go to the hospital, i don't have the will to go nor the courage to say to my worker, i need to go. She is trying her best to help me and so far she is doing a good job, but I'm not doing mine so well at the moment.

I gave her my pills today that i had horded, but i just turned around and went to walmart and searched through their isles.

I feel so hopeless and helpless. But my head is remaining above water as long as I have some "fight" left in me.