As some of you know, I'm a recovering drug addict/alcoholic. Last Saturday I relapsed and relapsed again lastnight, big time. I'm still high today from lastnight and haven't been to bed from all the meth I smoked. I feel sooo guilty and feel such shame over all this. My sister is living back home and she's an addict as well. She constantly torments me with dope until I give in. I know it's my choice, which I feel terrible about, but it'd be so much easier if she'd move out or something. I went TEN MONTHS clean, then relapsed. Now it's shot all to hell! *sigh*

All I want to do is get a blade, curl up under the covers in my bed, and cut until I'm too exhausted to cut anymore. I haven't cut in several months, but the urge is really there right now. Using or cutting... Why can't I think of positive ways to cope? GRRR!