(((Evening)))-You are right about the job part-I think that would make a world of diffeence in your life. Working makes you feel useful, worthwhile; and you have to get up and out into the world with others everyday.
JMO-It'd give you a sense of autonomy, and self esteem that you want so badly.
I've seen your picture on your blog--you look beautiful to me. Perhaps that's because I see your spirit and courage here.

Yes, a job is just the thing; and you've already said it.

Hiding in the house, and isolating (ugh-i do it too), brings on a negative self image, and the old stinkin-thinkin comes in.

Your blog is so beautiful--You are so very talented and sensitive, and intelligent; you will be able to overcome this feeling; for you are also fiercely courageous. xoxoxotheo