I'm bipolar, but think I could be borderline. I've been talking to my T about this, but she doesn't give me much feedback, and I always seem to "forget" my worst symptoms when I'm in a session.

I'd like to get some info about the disorder from people who have it, such as your experiences and how it affects your functioning.

My current T says that my childhood trauma may have been too late to affect the development of my secure attachment, but other T's have told me otherwise. I was three when the trauma occured, and afterwards I became physically violent, emotionally unstable (cried everyday of elementry school) and deeply insecure. The most marked affect was that I feel utterly alone as long as no one is around; when friends and family leave my sight, they become dead to me, and I don't retain the feeling of their love. This may explain why I never cried at any of my grandparents funerals, even though i was very close with them. Even later, I never felt any grief, since they were emotionally removed from me every time I wasn't physically around them.

This is a problem in my relationships, because I am hyper-dependent; as soon as someone fails to give me all of the support that I need/demand, I am convinced that they don't love me, and think badly of them. Then they show that they do care later, and I switch to thinking that they are wonderful, and feel guilty for tearing them apart to other people, or just in my mind. I've also experienced disassociation, fly into uncontrollable rages, and rapid mood swings (like every hour or less). Does anyone think that this could be borderline? I know that the best thing is to wait for my T to tell me, but I'm becoming overwhelmed with how dependent and insecure I am, and would just like to talk about this and learn more about it.

~Jessie