This is a familiar feeling Granite1 .... I am sorry to hear that you are the one going to her rescue....I wish you all the strength you may need to get through the visit ... remember ... maybe you dont have to be there (like you said) ...Is there anyone else that could help her? sparing you from the turmoil you will feel inside?? While Im sure this option may have been explored, isnt there a friend who could help her? I only ask because I have been there sooo many times myself (40 yrs old) and up until the past year I would put myself through such Hell going to my own mothers home to help her....always putting my own self worth and love and needs on the back burner.... it is as painful an experience as any ... having to listen to someones angry insensitvie words and hurtful abusive ways .... You have got to get away from it..... for your own health for your own sake ....
I hope this doesnt sound pushy I just know how it feels and can relate.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best and I wish you the inner strength you need to make it through. Remember to love yourself