Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
As Sannah says, you can hide with someone next to you but, also, your T needs to see your face/expressions....
It is unfortunate that your T just started the practice "suddenly" and didn't "warn" you first or discuss it, after having done therapy in the old office "your" way before.
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I am supremely appreciative of all of your thoughtful comments and observations, it is what I had hoped for in posting here.
Today I feel that it is the disrespect he showed me in not discussing it, not bringing it into the session, that is the most painful.
He initiated the session by setting the new boundary. We talked about seating and personal space before, so it would have been simple to start a dialog. There are dozens of ways he could have used, but he didn't. I conclude that he does not care enough to have done it right, that he's not smart enough to have done it right, he was solely focused on his issue and not on the relationship. I interpret "I am more effective when I sit here" to mean "I am really uncomfortable sitting that close. I am afraid you might touch me."
So, I feel like he is lying to me, also very painful. It also all hurts because I've gotten so very fond of him, as someone who has helped me to improve my life.
He said he's learned a lesson from this, that he'll always say no in the future if someone suggests alternate seating. This inflexibility is so odd to me, even though I understand good boundaries. He's becoming more rigid over time.
Sitting side by side, we were often turned toward each other, and I was able to see his face, read him. When he's 10-12ft away, I'm not able to distinguish smaller details even with my glasses on. The explaination he provided did not reflect the need to see me/avoid hiding, but that is a good perspective from you all
. Sitting at the table, or even side by side, did feel more equal, like we were engaged in the work jointly. In my job, we get around a table and brainstorm; that's what I felt I was doing in therapy about my "stuff".
I feel like he's given me an ultimatum, and I'm reluctant to return under those conditions.
I'm the client, the consumer; there are 100+ therapists within 10 miles of my home. Writing all this to you all, it's given me more to think about, and some content I could share with him via email. Not in a forgiving mood now, not ready to reach out and discuss it.