I just need to vent a little... I know it is not helpful to dwell in the past and I don't think I am stuck there, but it does get under my skin once in a while...

I've been worried about all the things that are happening to me now... car repossessed, summonses for overdue bills, etc. but I've just been so paralysed by depression to act proactively on anything... and now they are all coming to pass and sometimes I want to kick myself... "Why couldn't I just call the car company two weeks ago... two months ago... anytime ago instead of letting it get this bad?"

So now it is not only too late but I'm still if anything even more paralysed than ever because of the additional stress. I think I'm not going to be able to make it in to work tomorrow again and that is just going to make things worse too.

But in some ways I feel strangely calm. I've been able to sleep OK at night which seems strange, but I guess I have to remember that the last time I was in this bad of shape I was undiagnosed for the depression and not taking any meds at all for it, so maybe the meds are helping me now in that regard.