It is good that you were able to handle stresses very well despite your shifting moods.

It is always hard when loved ones are dying, whether they have a mental condition or not. You are full of pain and it will take time for body to deal with it, as time goes by you will slowly feel better.

I can understand why you would want to drawn it out with drinking. If I have a very upsetting situation I am very tempted to take lots of caffeine and junk food. That can numb out my feeling for a short while, it won't make it disappear, I will still have to deal with them.

Alcohol can screw mental illnesses and make you feel worse. For me it always makes me depressed the next few days. I worry it could end up making you feel worse.