Thanks so much everyone! Your good thoughts and kind words do mean a lot to me. I'll try to use your strength to drive this away. I just woke this morning with a cloud hanging over my head. I'd ask if any of you have ever had one of these days, but that would probably be like asking you if you breathe... I've been doing a lot of reflecting on where my life is, and where I think it should be. And I'm a major disappointment to myself right now.

This is going to sound so pathetic, but a lot of where my head is right now is because of my job. I guess I'm a workaholic (ask my wife about the year that I worked 16 hour days and most weekends). Having been a contractor for the last 2 1/2 years has left me feeling very empty. It's always been important to me to do a good job, to leave at the end of the day knowing that I made a contribution. It's so cool to have one of those jobs that you look forward to getting up in the morning for. I love being a part of something important. I had all these things at my last job before they went under. Being a contractor where I am now, I feel totally empty. I don't feel like I belong. It's like if I disappeared tomorrow, no one would notice. Is it insane that a job should be so darned important to a person's life?

Jeez gang, I'm really rambling here. I'm sorry about that. I really do appreciate you all being here for me, but now the question of whether or not bp is crazy has been answered. As a fruitcake!

I have to stop now, Jenn (my firstborn's name BTW) is going to sing to me. I'm starting to feel a bit better...thanks.

bp

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."