Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackCanary
Today I feel that it is the disrespect he showed me in not discussing it, not bringing it into the session, that is the most painful.  He initiated the session by setting the new boundary. We talked about seating and personal space before, so it would have been simple to start a dialog. There are dozens of ways he could have used, but he didn't. I conclude that he does not care enough to have done it right, that he's not smart enough to have done it right, he was solely focused on his issue and not on the relationship. I interpret "I am more effective when I sit here" to mean "I am really uncomfortable sitting that close. I am afraid you might touch me."  So, I feel like he is lying to me, also very painful. It also all hurts because I've gotten so very fond of him, as someone who has helped me to improve my life....
I feel like he's given me an ultimatum, and I'm reluctant to return under those conditions.  I'm the client, the consumer; there are 100+ therapists within 10 miles of my home. Writing all this to you all, it's given me more to think about, and some content I could share with him via email. Not in a forgiving mood now, not ready to reach out and discuss it. |
I would gently suggest that you challenge these conclusions that you have come to. While your reactions belong to you and are clearly real.
No he didn't handle this well at all, but it could be for a variety of reasons that aren't related to his caring about you, or his intelligence. Are you sure he has given you an ultimatum? Is it about where you sit, or about where he sits? There is a distinction, albeit subtle, between the two.
I hear you when you say that you aren't in a forgiving mood, but given your fondness for this therapist, would you consider giving him the benefit of the doubt? Therapists screw things up sometimes. They make mistakes. Is this one bad enough to not even warrant talking about and giving him a chance to understand how it made you feel? Give him the chance to apologize?
I found in all relationship there are significant stumbling blocks. These do not have to derail anything or undermine the good in the relationship. As long as each party is heard and is understood, the relationship can actually become stronger.
Please understand that I'm not saying that your feeling aren't valid. Not at all - they absolutely are and they
matter. I think he needs to know. Who knows, the results might be very very positive.