You all continue to ROCK OUT with your great observations.

Since he dropped this on me at the start of the session on Tues, we had the whole session to work on it.
when I told him "You suck" he was quiet, then he said "You are right, you are absolutely right."
I told him "you did not just think of this a minute ago. You knew you would do this today and yet you did not try to talk to me, say Here's the situation, or There's something important I need to tell you, any of dozens of ways to prepare me..."
he agreed he should have done this. Told me this was great communication of my needs.
I gave him a "do over" - we went outside the door, walked in again, and he had a chance to say "Hey, today I'm going to do this" but he still did not try to introduce the idea, he just sat in the far away chair.
He asked how I felt, and I told him I was angry, hurt, felt rejected, felt like he is turning away.
He apologized for not handling it better. He told me he'd learned his lesson about seating. Said he was sorry that it's so painful, that I'm having to go back to step one "can we work together". He knows what was on the line, that I'd have to seriously consider if we are still a good fit. We have a rupture history, where I go back to that question.
I know he's human, not perfect. But this is perhaps the fourth or fifth time when, in not minding his boundaries and then later enforcing them, he's caused a painful rupture. I'm tired of having to forgive this in my professional care giver. I should be having a great week, but instead I'm massively distracted and sad. "My therapist hurt my feelings" is a very contradictory statement, one I should NOT be living.
A spouse, sibling, friend - that person would be extending apologies, reaching out ot me, trying to mend the break, making it possible for me to forgive and move on. The T does not do this because that's a boundary, he will never reach out to me. So, it's entirely up to me to engage in repairing the relationship. I'm not going to go back just because I'm fond of him - he's not doing a good job, not meeting my requirements, not working in a fully professional way. (Not managing his countertransference?)

I know that the conventional wisdom is to go back and talk about it - that's what I've done in the past and we've worked thru it. I've reached out - left 2 messages after we met (angry) and another yesterday (calm) to say I would not be coming for the 530 appt he'd offered in case I felt re-railed (vs derailed). I made an appt online for early June.

So, the business nature of it rises up. In my work, I'd be pulled away from further work with a client I'd served so poorly, replaced with someone more effective. In each prior rupture I've considered leaving, and felt our fit and bond was too good to be match by another therapist.

On the lighter side: My husband says I'll be over it in a year or two.