sannah - thank you.

i am not in therapy. i have tried going twice voluntarily. i went once in college, but it scared me a lot and seemed pointless so i didn't even go to a 2nd meeting. i tried going to therapy again about a year ago (about a year out of college) and only went for about 4 meetings and stopped because it wasn't helpful. i feel like i do know myself well. i don't see how anyone else could know me any better, and it would take forever to feel comfortable with telling someone who i am. sometimes i think it would be nice to have an objective person to talk to about the issues i face each day, but i don't want people telling me what to do or judging me.

mike - thank you so much for your reply.

i feel like you understand my feelings so well. it's comforting to know i'm not alone. i often struggle to explain how this addiction is for me to others - i don't think they can understand. i appreciate your words, and it helps to break it down. it reminds me to just take it one step at a time, no matter how big or small each step is.

akuma - thanks. the support is helpful. i hope you're doink ok.

having the cats around to cuddle me today is helpful. since i have today and tomorrow off from work, i am hoping i wont spend the whole time ruminating and making things hard for myself. i'm trying. i just don't always want to try, and that's hard to admit.