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tracylee said:How do we recognise a psychic vampire anyway?? they only tend to start sinking their 'teeth' into us when we are fairly far into a relationship anyway!!

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Usually, the way you can tell that someone is 'sucking the life out of you' is when every time you get around them, you leave feeling worse than when you arrived - it can be phyical drainage or exhaustion, you may actually feel like you're 'coming down with something'... It may be more emotional - every time you get around this person or group of people, you end up cranky or out of sorts. Psychic vampires feed on the power they can exert over you - a lot of them say things like, "Gee, you don't look so good. Are you sure you're okay?" even on days when you feel great. If the vampire's the one who's feeling bad, they may just try to bring you down to their level, subtly or not-so-subtly by making verbal jabs at you until your self confidence and happiness wanes... It can also be through the refusal to acknowledge that your troubles could be anywhere near as important or severe as theirs.

Some psychic vampires don't even know they are psychic vampires until they get into a relationship where their partner begins to show emotional neediness or weakness, a wavering sense of self-worth, anything that the vampire in question could use to their advantage to make themselves feel better at your expense.

My husband's interaction w/his mom & dad is a very good example of psychic vampirism in action - his family is emotionally dysfunctional to begin with, and his mom is very controlling & domineering, and they're all passive-aggressive instead of communicating openly... We'll go out to eat, my other half will be feeling chipper until his mom starts in on him about life, the Universe & everything. If his dad tries to defend him, or if he tries to defend himself, she attacks his dad, too (which is really unfair because his dad has Parkinson's disease). The whole time, my mother-in-law will be sitting up straighter, taking on more color & generally have a great time while her husband's shaking worsens & he gets emotionally upset, and my husband slumps further & further under the table - by the time we get home, he's in a horrible mood & his week is pretty much shot. And because both my husband & his father are being nagged at by her, they start sniping at each other instead of retaliating against her - she's the Alpha in their world. My mother-in-law tries coming after me, but because I'm an outsider (and I have kung-fu psychic defense skills) I can see exactly what's going on & I don't play the game. I ask her things like, "What's really bothering you? Why are you acting this way towards your husband & son? If you really didn't want to go out/eat here, you should have said something and we could have picked a better time/restaurant for you." She doesn't like having people question her judgment & actions, so she pretty much leaves me alone, but when I try to defend my husband or help him stand his ground, she will end the lunch or meeting abruptly, say she doesn't feel well, she needs to go home, things like that. It's a sick household, and none of my husband's family will admit there's anything wrong w/what they've been doing to one another for all these years.