Julial I'm sorry for your loss and sorry that this time of year brings you pain. The best thing I can really say is it will pass, it will probably be horrible, but it will pass.

I definitely don't recommend xanax, I think it made my anxiety so much worse (and it made me zombie-ish but I know sometimes that is welcomed) .. it's, as far as I know, not even prescribed in britain and I just assume there must be a reason for that.

Anyway, I hope you stay safe. Do you have anyone to comfort you during this difficult time? I do hope you feel better x