Thank you all for the kind and helpful words. Lisa, you are right about the xanax and so far I've held off taking it. I was diagnosed with bpd years ago but pretty much have that under control thanks to a good t, meditation and a great husband. I am in my fifties and find that it is getting easier to put things to rest. I understand the why's of my mother's actions but I can't help but feel that maybe I didn't do enough. While I understand it was her choice, it is hard to really really feel that way. Ah well, this too shall pass. Thanks again for everyone being there for me.