@Perna, you wrote "We can't control everything in our lives, all we can do is respond to them, hopefully in a way that helps us learn and grow into being more ourselves."

Ah, control, my #1 favorite. Good observation. And I also realize that my anger and sadness about this are like a toxic poison that is harming me.

@Sannah - Sigh, I am really tough. Really, really tough. And he never calls me on it, never gives me that feedback. But I do expect him to be "perfect", to not fail me. Not fail me like my parents, not fail me like other men....etc. I fear that I'll be this tough on my kids, like my mom was on me. I do not want to repeat it.
Agree also that the whole "he's not meeting my standards" thing is a way to exit w/o looking closely, avoid engaging. My way or the highway, buster...

Just to clarify what I mean on boundaries/countertransference. The seating arrangement, next to each other, was my request. He apparently did not like it, was uncomfortable from early on, yet permitted it to go on for months. In not changing it once he realized he was outside of his boundary, he was not keeping himself safe/comfortable. He did not change the situation because he knows it will upset me. He feels uncomfortable when I get upset, so he permits the boundary crossing to avoid this discomfort. This is what I'm referring to as counter-transference, in the broad sense: he is altering his behavior/boundary in session to avoid experiencing discomfort (an emotional reaction to the client). We've talked about it in the prior situations, and T agrees that this is a counter-transference. I've told him before, "just tell me the truth, I'd rather know than wonder!", so feel annoyed that we are back to this AGAIN.

But, like Perna observed, I need to see what I can learn from this (hmm, again he's not keeping his boundary BUT again trying to not upset me !), respond in a way that lets me grow a bit (why am I pushing his boundary? why do I get so upset over this? what arrangement might meet both our needs? And be ready, because it's going to happen again).

Maybe forgive (a bit).
Thanks for the space and the thoughts.