I got a disturbing piece of information about myself recently. Apparently right before I was diagnosed and the only medication I was on was an ineffective dose of Remeron I threw an ashtray at my ex.

I don't remember this at ALL, I don't even remember having the ashtray. Frankly I'm having a hard time believing I did it. I wasn't on the memory-zapping pills then, or drinking heavily. I am not a physically violent person at all, and the few times I have hit other people (self-defense in a bar and my gigantic brother ONE time) I remember it very clearly.

That period of my life was the most anxiety-ridden and neurotic I've ever been, pretty much everything gave me a panic attack. I just can't see myself doing something so awful.