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imapatient · May 07, 2010, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiya

I can see myself attempting sui the day after my graduation - what is wrong wiht me? I know i won't. I'm not saying that - I don't think. There is just this strong ambivilance - which will I do? What will happen? Will my life be good and open up in possibilities? or will it fall to its demise. Yes, the choice is MINE. God help us. The choice is mine. and the choice - the anxiety of the choice is eating me alive. Oh god help me for i am sore afraid.
Welcome to intensive therapy.

Part 3 of 3.

Sui: Nope, not now. That's a long-term decision, not something to be acted on when you've been temporarily pushed downward feelings-wise by a THERAPY exercise. Without that exercise, you wouldn't be feeling so down right now. Don't let that outside thing drive what you do. The feelings will improve as you get away from ruminating on trauma as you were required to do by outsiders. You don't have to spend your life ruminating on trauma, you do it only at certain, temporary points in therapy like right now. Right now isn't forever, unless you make it so with bad judgment.

Sui: 2 major points in my life when I got close, but didn't act (I've never attempted).

2003. I was very sui, but asked myself this question before taking action: Have I done literally everything I possibly could to have my MI/depression treated to be able to say "there's nothing possible to try anymore to improve" that would justify giving up, that proved I was hopeless? The answer was No! I hadn't tried ECT which pdoc and T wanted me to try, or partial hosp or day treatment, or a few other things. Since there were options to try, I didn't know that my future was hopeless. There was some hope, and I did ECT.

2008. After 4 years without a T after a really bad, painful termination by my longtime T, I got very sui again. but asked myself this question before taking action: Have I done literally everything I possibly could to have my MI/depression treated to be able to say "there's nothing possible to try anymore to improve" that would justify giving up, that proved I was hopeless? The answer was No! I contacted my T in NY from NINE years earlier--our last appt. before I moved back to my home state. Flew and did 3 sessions, turned myself over to his judgment. Went to Partial Hosp and then Day Treatment at his suggestion and things improved greatly. I've tried some diff. meds since then, etc. other stuff. I know you're limited right now in what you can try, but that's temporary, not permanent, and is due to system issues, not you yourself.

I’m sure your answer is No!, as difficult as it might be to do something else right now, there are types of therapy, other treatments, etc. out there to try. Write out everything you’ve worked with and I’m sure people here can tell you about other options you haven’t tired. (Among which includes a different T and pdoc, even if right today you can’t make those changes, at some point you’ll be able to).

Congrats again on the degree. It's a big deal. Be proud.