I don't think you can legally be excluded from participation in any program except by your wife. I would (first) point out to her that you don't see any improvement and suggest to her that you and she find her another program that might work better for both your needs. If she does not agree to that, I would then, do your "own" thing and put the bulk of communication between you, back on your wife. If she is not able or willing to help make joint decisions, then yes, "just figure on her not being around or helping in any way."

It does sound like it sucks big time for you; I'm really sorry.