The past few days have been hell on my emotions, actually this past week. I can't bare it anymore and it's hurts so much that I have decided that I can't volunteer anymore where I'm at. I can't allow myself to receive the tongue lashing from those higher up just because of their own problems and they take it out on those of us who are lower. I can not allow myself to be subjected to this anymore. I have had thoughts of suicide over this past week but only brief ones and know that if I don't leave now it will only get worse but I just hate to leave those who I have gotten to know well and the attachment in helping them I feel as though I will be abandoning them. I heard a comment, even though others didn't know that I have had the thoughts of suicide that comment has stuck with me all week. The comment was that if your going to do it then why not have fun when you do. This has triggered me into "yes, this makes sense, why not" but at the same time how can you have fun when you are so down. I am preparing my letter this weekend to hand over that it's time for me to move on as they are not good for my well being and it's my life that is at stake right now. I had an appt with my therapist yesterday so she is aware of what's been going on and that I have had these thoughts of suicide but I'm not suicidal. She is not aware that I started feeling worse then I did at the appt with her as it is now the weekend but we do have another appt on Monday. I will try to hold out until then but my heart is broken and torn as I thought that I would never leave this place of volunteering and it was something that I took great pride in but now it's gone. I'm just in tears and it's hard to focus on trying to put together a letter in a professional type way without lashing back at them. I am not that kind of person to lash out and it takes a lot to get me angry, but when it comes to taking up for those who can't take up for themselves then I can get really angry and stand up for these people and support them in whatever way I can in being there but I can't seem to win or get those higher up that they are doing more damage then good for these people who need our help. I am just completely drain. I even stepped back to calm myself to give this a lot of thought but now it's infected me and I need to take care of me but it is really hurting me right now the ways they treat me. This all may not sound like a big deal to some but to me it's something dear to my heart.

Thanks for reading