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Originally Posted by michelle421
i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm still trying. but i'm not sure how long i can keep it up. i've been feeling so much lately and i have no idea what else to do. i want SI because it's the only thing that works to make me feel better. i feel so spacey. i feel disconnected. i feel on edge. i feel fragile. i need to bleed.  |
Okay, you're at work first off. Do you know any ways to ground yourself? Doing something that takes in all of the five senses really helps to ground yourself if you're feeling spacey. Feel something, smell something, taste something, hear something... it doesn't need to be the same thing, but keep yourself present in THIS time/moment. One moment at a time too.
Any way you can take a breather, go for a walk, stretch your legs?
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i had the last two days off and i barely left the house. i was a mess. i know i'm not able to take care of myself very well right now. i went out to a party last night with my partner and i'm glad she was there to help me, but it was so hard to get through the whole night without SI. i had to take it minute by minute. i am starting to get more anxious. i feel like i need it. i feel like last night took a lot of the fighting power i had left in me. 
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Feeling like you need it is OK. You're making a distinction between feeling and rationality - you don't *really* need it, but you feel you need it.
Taking it minute by minute is sometimes all we can do - so good for you for getting through it in one piece. Sometimes we're not able to take care of ourselves, so taking things apart and making them into smaller tasks can be a lot easier and more manageable. There still can be days where we barely get out of bed - but sometimes we do need a break.
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so now i'm at work and i'm really scared. i'm so scared i won't get through the day. i don't want anyone to push me over the edge. it's so hard when you work in customer service. i feel so alone (i am alone in the office, which both helps and doesn't help). i'm just worried. i hope i can make it, but i just dont know if i can. 
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I know this sounds cliche, but don't let anyone push you over the edge. Being alone is scary, dealing with wanting to cut/self-injure is scary. Dealing with emotions and thoughts is scary. But you're going to be OK.
Hold onto the hope of making it. I know what you mean about how being alone helps and doesn't help - it helps so you're not being bothered by others, but sometimes having others around helps us to keep ourselves more safe and sane.
Customer service can really suck, some customers are really mean.
Please take care of yourself. Take washroom breaks as often as you can - breathe, not from your chest but from your stomach. Count to ten in your head. Visualize happy stuff (that is NOT harmful to you or others).