It has been an up and down couple of weeks. I leave for 5 days in Vegas tomorrow and it has been tough keeping my emotions in balance. I get so frustrated when the slightest thing overwhelms me and I can't make decisions about anything. The slightest complication and I go crazy with the inability to work my brain. Its exhausting. I try to just accept it and move on to something I can do but it makes me sad when I come face to face with my limitations. I just want my brain to work but sometimes it just doesn't seem able to function much at all.

But I made it through the ups and downs dispite the frustrations and as I try to unwind and prepare for bed I am feeling pretty good. I am relieved to not be in a panic. I am still really nervous about going into the US but I am managing to keep the wild thoughts from consuming me. I am just trying to take it all one step at a time. The thought of being away from home for 5 nights is really freaky but again I am managing to keep myself from getting too panicked about it. I realize how silly it is so I don't talk to anyone about it. I just work it through with affirmations that I will be okay. Stay in the moments and not let my wild ideas get too wild.

I already miss my garden and worry something is going to flower without me being here to witness its. I have spent a lot of time in the garden this past week. Even on the rainy days. Had to cut some things back prematurely today because otherwise they would be laying on the ground by the time I got back home. I feel blessed by my garden.

We will be crossing the border by land which I am really grateful for. Less hastle at the airport I hope. Will need to remember to breath those few minutes at the border.... well the whole time actually. I am so nervous about the crowds and.... nope... not going to got there. One step at a time. I am all packed and I am as ready as I can be. At least the work will be easy. Just running the meetings mostly. No training or major group work to worry about. I also know most of the group so that helps too.

I will be bringing my labtop with me and checking in from time to time. It helps to know you are all here should I need a little support and encouragement to stay the course.

Well I better get off and start preping for bed. It will be an early day.

I am a bit worried because the friend who was going to drive me to my pick up spot in the morning isn't around tonight for me to confirm the arrangements. I am worried she has forgotten. Feel the niggle of panic wanting a grip so will try to shake it off with some meditation or at least some time in silence. I just wish she would call. My plan B isn't a very good one.