jen29, you will not get better beating on yourself.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-TRUTH-...ughts&id=38137
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sel...9/METHOD=print
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/

If memory serves, you are not receiving professional help. Maybe you should reconsider?

Be well.