Lately my mother has been making me doubt the "realness" of my panic attacks. I mean, they ARE in my head, so what if they're.... all in my head? What if I really am in control and I am just doing this to myself? What if what I am feeling is not a panic attack but is just some kind of stupid tantrum thing and... oh god I don't know, it's just my symptoms have never matched up perfectly with "typical" panic attacks so I dunno if it's really that or what. I just feel so bad right now I can't stand it.

Also how often do you get panic attacks? Recently it's gotten a lot LOT worse for me, it's up to once a week now. And there's always intense anxiety under the surface.

I can't even wrap my f*$%ing mother's day gift. Not that I want to. My mother isn't being very good at being a mom lately. The worst part is it just makes me look weak and pathetic and uncaring. FML FML FML.