I think what you are experiencing is quite typical. It is very difficult for our minds to fully comprehend a loss or tradegy such as what you are going through. Our minds want to find answers when there are none to obtain. It is not a very rational or sane place to be. With time, our minds are able to sort through the pieces and slowly discover what happened. It is nice that the shock of the event(s) keep us from completely losing it. It's also nice that our minds are kind to us by having us accept the sad news in bits and pieces. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed, while sometimes we can put one foot in front of the other. I wish you peace.