Garden,

I couldn't agree more with was darkpurplesecrets said. I try and live my life with as little negativity as possible. When I was younger and my depression was at its peak, I was a nasty person. I was angry and impulsive and untrustworthy. It was just as dps said. The only attention I believed I could get was negative attention and so I would pick fights with everyone I knew, which caused me to lose friends and hurt relationships with loved ones and risk the love of those who were closest to me. I really did believe that it was the only way I could get what I wanted and more important, the only way I could be seen. My anger overwhelmed everything and negativity was the only emotion I knew how to express. If there was a secret, I would tell it to as many of my "friends" as I could, because I knew it would earn their "trust" and get me closer into their circle. My life was one big, dark cloud.

After I came out of that episode, it took me many years to earn back the trust of my family. Because they loved me that much, it was possible, but it took a long, long, long time for them to trust me completely and even to this day, there is still the odd barb thrown (it's been 10 years.) So, that's why I think some people chose to live their lives negatively...because they don't think they have a choice.

Today, I chose to live with as little of it as possible. If someone confides in me, what they have said goes no further. As a result, I know so many things about people and find that sometimes, people tend to tell me the craziest things!!! Today, I believe in honesty and living with integrity. Karma is my mantra - you get what you give. I have surrounded myself with people who have the same values and my life is much better for it. I have far fewer friends but they are much better people.

Not sure if this answers your question but I felt so connected to the question having lived it.

Feddy