Only once have i ever lost my cool and "spanked" Jeremy.


He promptly turned around and swatted me in return .

So obviously for us it is not something that works. Teehee. As all it did was show him how to hit me back. so its not something i do at this point in time.

Now. I DO beleive that there are certain dangerous situations where a VERY loud yell/swat on the bum/swat on the hand should be used IF NECESSARY. None of these should be done in such a way that there is pain of any significant kind. Yes, a swat WILL often hurt for a second or two, but it shouldn't hurt excessively and it should not be a staple of discipline. It will not and cannot take the place of positive reinforcement, time outs, discussions, and other non-aggressive forms of parenting.

However - if I was walking with Jeremy beside a busy road, and he, after being told not to go near the road, because "you could get hurt and that would make mommy very sad and would make You cry Jeremy" began to run directly into traffic and or the road - then I would grab him, and I would without a doubt become VERY LOUD and angry, and perhaps give a whack on the bum. I would ALWAYS follow this up with an age appropriate explanation when the time was right. For very young children though, between the ages of (depending on the child) maybe 1 and a half through 3, sometimes a good scare is the best way to teach them to stay away from something dangerous UNTIL they are old enough to rationally understand why they cant do that. A one year old is not going to understand that you cant run away from mommy in the mall because a stranger might kidnap them, or they might get lost, or anything else. However, they WILL understand when it makes mommy very loud and startling!

I do think that there is a HUGE difference between an emergency swat on the bum or hand, and flat out abuse.To me, if its prolonged, lengthy, extremely painful, done in multiples such as multiple spanks in a row, done with an object other than your own hand, done by ANYONE OTHER THAN MOM OR DAD, or done too often - its either abuse or bordering on abuse. Frankly if you have to hit your child several times a day over the same behavior, firstly you are probably seeing a phase, and secondly, its obviously NOT WORKING.

I think that for me, I probably won't spank unless its an emergency and I need to get a point across RIGHT NOW THIS SECOND. And even then, id try yelling loudly and being upset first, if the situation allowed.