Thanks Paddy, Depressme, and The Byzantine. It's been 6 weeks since my last relapse, or so my addictions Dr. informs me. I've given up counting, and am just focussing on 24 hour periods. I really know that physically I feel loads better when i don't drink, and I know that I have to be sober, in order to make the changes I want to make to make my life better. It's just that I also want the oblivion that alcohol gives me.

And I've come to realize that there's part of me that likes being a drunk. because if I'm just a drunk, I can blame how crap my life is on the booze and not have to do the hard work to make my life better.

The supervised antabuse is well, strange. It's good to have the accountability, but I definitely feel like it's giving me material for another chapter in my book. I had to tell my addictions Dr. that I couldn't come in for it this Wed. evening as I'm meeting a girlfriend for dinner down town. Well she freaked out, and basically interrrogated me about if I was going to drink in group. Then wanted to know if I could come in on Thurs. or Fri. to take it. Unfortunately I start work at 7 both days so I can't come in before work, and I don't get off work until 5 and on thurs and fri's the addictions program shuts down at 4. So I have to caller her Wed. morning to tell her I've taken it. I'm really beginning to understand how psych patients under assertive community treatment orders feel. Oh well, I know this is just another phase in my admittedly rocky journey.

The good news is I have a new sponsor, actually she's not that new, I've had her for a couple of months now, and she's really good for me.

One bad thing that's happenned that has a positive result, is that I've had to cut back on my therapy to every other week for financial reasons. There's a Tues night AA meeting which is fantastic that I used to go to all the time, but could never get to recently because it conflicted with therapy. Now I can go to it, every other week. They also have a Thurs meeting that's pretty good. I'm probably going to join that group as my new home group.

Plus I've changed my hours at work on Wed. and Thurs, so that I'm working 7-5 instead of 8-6 which means I get home it time to have dinner and still be able to make it to an 8 pm meeting, so I'm able to get to more meetings now, which is good.

I know I'm making progress, although it feels glacial, and I still want to drink pretty much constantly. But I haven't today and have no plans to drink today. So for now it's ok.

--splitimage