I feel for you,I know that "exposed" feeling - like I got a flashing neon sign up over my head and everyone can see what a horrible life I live,person I am. I have just started with a T and we are working on staying grounded, but she reminds me each time that there is a time coming where I will face the traumas themselves...I am looking forward and scared to death at the same time, I have an avoidence and there is the dissassociation thing I do...What I try to do right after a flash is watch a sitcom or read a fiction book - some thing to distract and provide an escape till things calm down a little and I can breathe again....
somedays I wish a burka was a fashion option then no one could see me...<small timid smile>
hope you feel a little better soon
you are not alone