Star, be the star of your life. I have BPD, didn't always, better now---but there are those who just love to keep me in that "slot!" No matter how long or how much of a change there has been. I'm an outcast or do I cast myself out? I hurt, I run! I make myself a blur, don't want to be around so I won't slip and say something to give more ammunition to the "other" side, the side that "loves" me.

Before Mother's Day and after Mother's Day, still I am in a dying state. My two estranged adult children contacted me with love. So happy and grateful I felt. Then, it hit me! I couldn't let all the "snub love" pass and not say anything...so I did. ---Something about it hurt!-- "I'm sorry, to late, time for renewal is gone, at least we can be civil "Love you, always did, still do! Mom, xoxox" ---Now, I worry about destroying what little time that could have been. But I couldn't leave it alone---I wanted my hurt acknowledged! What will be the price? I'm right back in the hurting, burning black hole.

Don't you take yourself there!! You are worth too much to many. You just don't look them in the face at PC. Stay away from those that won't let you be free from the past and look at the future you are building. Are you building on your own" Do you have constant professional help to get you through these times before the meds help? You seem to be very fragile. Those fairy wings are delicate and must be protected, least they fray and become too frail. Take care, dear Starlite, You are so lovable!