I can identify with the symptoms not matching up perfectly and feelings of guilt. Oftentimes when I'm needed, mine are triggered by the overt stress of the situation. So despite the fact that I really want to do something for others during these situations, I can't even keep myself together. I want to do more, and have actually found the answer for me is to put off these situations (if possible) until I'm feeling more equipped to deal with them. I accomplish more and don't get triggered that way. I can also sense my attacks coming, so I know to remove myself from the situation when they start to occur.

Now, my symptoms actually make me want to describe what I endure as an anxiety attack rather than a panic attack. Although my body is enduring a panic response, my mind doesn't feel panicked. If a spider crawls on me, I'm going to jump and flip and screech and do everything I can to get it off. Instead, when I endure these episodes I dissociate. My mind also fogs and it seems to separate from my body. I shake badly, tingle, sometimes cry and get palpitations, hyperventilate (which causes bad chest pain and light headedness), and eventually my breathing might get so shallow that I get very desperate for oxygen. My body also freezes up (sometimes contorting itself) during these events and I end up unmoved in a laying position.

However, what I don't get is the feeling of ultimate dread that almost defines panic attacks. My boyfriend gets panic attacks sometimes and he will literally freak out. He calls 911 'cause he thinks he's having a heart attack, and nothing I say can dissuade him from these thoughts. It might be partially due to his weight, but his temperature will spike too. We actually had to make sure he wasn't having seizures.

My mind, on the other hand, will often be in the duldrums. 'Ho hum. Well this sucks. Sure wish I could breathe. My body contorting in these weird positions is painful. I hope I'll be able to move out of them soon. I wish he'd stop crying. Oh god, it's making it worse. Oh god that hurts.' And then sometimes I really get scared. And I often feel out of control and really bad, but not... panicked. Just anxiety.

It's some sort of attack but I honestly don't know what. I just describe it as an anxiety attack because I've no idea what else to call it. It's extreme enough that I know it's an episode of something, but the panic isn't there. :/ Given the myriad of symptoms associated with panic episodes though, I'm left to wonder if there are different types? Maybe we'll see new classifications which better describe our symptoms someday. However, I know I don't want to feel bad, and I doubt you do either. So I really don't think the various episodes we experience can be discounted as 'just a tantrum.' Just because they don't fit the technical classification of something in a very specific way doesn't mean they aren't real and valid as a symptom of our disorders.