In the beginning, I worked so hard to be the person I had imagined. But then things just went wrong, and I started to not care anymore. I kept saying to myself each day will be different but it has been the same day for the last 5 years. I cannot even look at my father sometimes. He has damage me, my brothers, and my mom ever since the beginning. I get mad at my mom for letting him do the things he did to me and my brothers-even to herself. I hate it when people come up to me and say that my dad is such a nice guy, but if they really looked at me they would see the scars that he left on my face, or that half my scars on my arms are cause of him.
I just feel that I am stuck. It just helps that here I can release my feelings without judgment. Cause I know for a fact my parents see the scars on my arms and they say nothing about them, or they just take what I say about them like i accidentally got cut. Its like you envision yourself somewhere and to be someone and then you are not. have you ever felt that? I am so embarrassed at the stage in my life.
I try hard to not compare myself to others, but its always right i my thoughts that people are better than me. And I can never do things that make me happy. I am literally confined in these four white walls. I am not exaggerating too. I try to do things and go out but there is always a struggle. Either my dad says yes then gets mad at my mom, or he despises me for doing stuff. I can never win.