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Old May 11, 2010, 01:39 PM
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amandalouise amandalouise is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,171
My opinions of this -

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
[*]Being able to do more than one thing at the same time. Talk about having the ability to multi-task! I’ve known situations were one personality can be talking comfortably on the phone while another personality is busy doing the day’s work. How cool is that?!!!
I was never able to multitask when I was not integrated. in fact trying to do more than on thing totally confused me and stressed me out to the point where I ended up dissociating into other alters and then I could only do what ever that alter was out could do. example if I switched into the housework alter I did house work, if I switched into an art driven alter I painted. I couldnt do both because there was no co consciousness between any of my alters and me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
Always having someone to talk to. When you are friends with each other on the inside, you don’t ever have to be alone. Your best friends can be right there with you, any time of the day or night.
I had no one to talk to when I was not integrated. there were voices but they were under the cover of ringing bells in my head so I was unable to understand what they were saying. my therapist told me hearing bells or a wind like sound is normal when there there is no sharing of information between alters. All i could hear was those gosh darn bells 24/7 and an occasional word that made me feel like I was crazy.. bells bells bells shoot bells bells bellls go bells bellls bells belss rigatoni. cant have a conversation with alters if 1. you dont know they are there and 2 there is no co consciousness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
*]Being able to maintain the joy of a child’s perspective. Children can be so innocently full of wonderment, and joy, and happiness. They know how to be carefree and happy and amazed at the simplest of life’s pleasures. Child parts, once safe from trauma, can keep that sense of joy near to them their whole lives long.
none of my child alters were innocent, full of wonder and joy and happyness. all my alters contained traumatic events, trauma filled emotions and reacted with those horrible events and emotions. example as a 3 yr old alter I sat under a table cloth in a closet holding a knife ready to slice at who ever opened the door, a 6 yr old alter sat under the blankets of my bed masterbating/hurting herself with things because it was the only way to achieve the end result that signaled the end of that nights abuse. a10 year old alter sat in the tub trying to cut off body parts to prevent looking like a lady in order to prevent the c0ming nights abuse, a 5 year old cowering in a corner screaming in pain, a 12 year old hysterical because no one told her/me menistration was normal and did not mean I was dying,

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
*]Being able to take a break even when the outside body has to keep going. When you’re split, you can tuck back inside, and rest, or sleep, or think, and let someone else be out front managing whatever is going on in life. Having that ability to pull away and separate from the outside life can come in handy sometimes!
I was never able to dissociate at will, I could never decide to go inside and to "let" someone else take over. My switching into alters depended on my being triggered and then the resulting alter that came out was the one that dealt with that emotional event that triggered me. there was no choice of going inside when ever I wanted to rest, sleep or think. it was always a very traumatic thing for me to switch and when I switched back there wasn't calm and peacefulness of having obtained rest. my switching back was filled with not knowing where I was, what was going on and many times my having to smooth over situations that had happened when I wasnt aware. I cant count how many times i would come back into awareness only to find out my partner and I had had a fight, or I was in a part of the city that I had no idea where I was and how I got there, one time I was high up in a tree with alot of people standing under the tree, apparently I had plans to hang myself complete with a roped noose in my hand and attached to the tree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
*]Having the ability to remember so much more of life’s experiences. In my opinion, once a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder finds safety, and learns to connect with all their internal people, and lowers their dissociative walls, it seems to me that people with DID actually remember more of their life than “regular” singletons do. This includes remembering more of the good times as well as the bad.
unintegrated I had no memories of my personal history of life events and as an integrated person I still have holes in my personal life history. my therapist says it actually common for people who have had DID to continue not knowing parts of their life history after they have been integrated just like a normal person does not remember every single second of their life from birth to present. the human brain isnt meant to record things verbatum

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
*]Having the ability to understand life and events from a variety of different perspectives. Those with DID don’t have to imagine what it would be like from a different perspective – they often have someone inside that already genuinely sees things that way!
the only perspectives I had was about the trauma or emotion that was contained within each of my alters. non of my alters could be taught to see things beyond what was contained within their memories. example as the 3 yr old alter sitting under a table cloth in a closet holding a knife ready to slice at who ever opened the door, that was the only perspective I knew someone was out to get me and I was going to kill what ever monster came after me. there was no big life epiphany of thinking about anything but slice with the knife if the table cloth moved.


Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
*]*]Blocking out pain. While blocking pain is not always a positive or helpful skill, there are times and places where having the ability to block out pain, both physically and mentally, can be a great benefit.
I was not able to stay a3ware and block out pain. when I experienced pain I switched into the alter that held that pain for me. once integrated I had to reexperience that pain as if it was happening for real at that present moment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
*]*]Quite possibly needing less sleep? I can’t prove this, but it seems to me that a significant number of folks with DID can function quite effectively on less sleep than what the average singleton person needs. Maybe this is because the various parts can rest and sleep internally? By taking turns resting inside, does that make the overall physical need to sleep less? I have no real answers for this, but it’s not uncommon for this to appear to be the case.
I didnt need less sleep I needed more sleep because when I thought I was sleeping my alters were keeping my body busy doing things they needed to do. a physical body can only go so far without experiencing sleep. what ended up happening to me - I would get so exhausted that I would pass out. be taken to the hospital and they would medicate me into sleep with an iv and feed me through a tube until my body was once again strong enough to take on food and sleep on its own.

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
*]*]Looking younger. Again, I cannot prove this, but in my years of working with multiples, folks with DID look considerably younger even as they physically age. One would think that the years of trauma, abuse, and stress would have a negative effect on the physical appearance, and while there are obvious scars, there also seems to be a common ability to not age physically as quickly as singletons do. You all nearly always look younger than you actually are. How cool is that?!
I did not look younger. My physical body remained age appropriate, it was my posture and facial expressions and mannerisms that displayed that of the ages of my alters. I looked like a 20 yr old sucking my thumb, I looked like a 23 yr old hiding under a blanket while crying, I looked like a 21 year old twirling my hair. I looked like a 20 yr old with an angry face.

Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle421 View Post
*]*]The ability to fit in with a variety of different people. While some system splits were formed as trauma-based ways of matching with various groups of people (and some not so good as others), the positive flip-side of that ability is that people with multiple personalities can literally find themselves fitting in easily with a wide variety of people in a variety of ages.
Yes I had a variety of friends but I did not fit in easily, in fact I lost many friends because of my uncontrollable switching. theres nothing like being in a movie theater line and switch into an alter that pees her pants out of fear and runs to the nearest picture frame and tear it off the wall and throw it at people.yup just the way to fit in easily I say. sorry but I lost more friends then anything because I had DID.

For me being DID was not a gift. it was torture, it was painful, it was unpredictable, it was anything but being a gift and pleasure. I'm glad I am now integrated and would not change it for the world. If given the choice to be DID or not I choose not.

Last edited by sabby; May 11, 2010 at 04:48 PM. Reason: added trigger icon
Thanks for this!
LivingMiracle