I have looked back at my childhood too....I am angry at the things I had to go through. I am not happy with the life that I had to live under my parents or even my married life. However I have decided to use my past as an example of what I don't want in my life. I could stay angry at what my childhood & my marriage gave me....only I choose to put it behind me & focus on my future & the things I know will make me happy with in future life & not dwell on the past. I can't change the past but I can change my future......I can be what I want to be & it doesn't have to be just what my past made me.

There is so much more to life than living in anger......I want to be happy & I want to find the things that make me happy......I don't want to be a miserable person anymore......so I look to the things that I know make me what I want to be.

I know that I can be what I want to be.....I don't have to keep what didn't work or what hurt me.....it is my own choice what I want in my life.

I have found out that everything I experience has a DX in the world of psychology......it is not that I don't experience these feelings at one time or another, but I don't want them to encompase my whole life......so I choose to make the choices that make me feel the way I want to feel most of the time.....even if the past sneaks in sometimes....I do not let it controll me.

I spent years angry, depressed & just plain not wanting to be alive anymore. I was so miserable but wasn't successful at ending that life......Then I started wondering what is would be that would make me a happy, satisfied person. I know I can't get some of the things back into my life that validated me as a person. I know that I have to change some of the existance that I am now living. No, I am not saying that this is easy at all, but for me it is a personal choice. I am tired of being an angry, miserable, frustrated person. I have internally searched for the things that will create a fulfilled feeling within me....& I am now taking all the steps necessary to have the life I want to live & become the person that I am happy being.

I am not sure if there is any therapy that even touched on this way of thinking.....my pdoc has told me that he has realized that I have had to make up my own mind as to what will help me.....& he has even said to me that there is no med or therapy that can do this.....I guess it is an internal choice that we have to make for ourselves....because these things are things that no one else can know about ourselves.

I know that the future will not be a paradise.....there will be problems & situations that will always be a challange to get through......."I never promised you a rose garden".....but there are thorns in every rose garden too.

But without the vision of my future to aim for.....I would stay lost in my past.
I am sure there will be many disagreements with what I have said.....& probably many reasons why it won't work....but I choose to keep my aim high...& choose not to get discouraged no matter what.

Debbie