((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))
I'm sorry you're not doing well right now. Whatever self-loathing thoughts you're having about yourself, I can tell you right now that they're NOT TRUE. You are a kind, generous person who deserves all the best life has to offer. I know how hard it is to ignore the depression's lies, but that's what they are, lies! Take the best care of yourself that you can.
Feel better soon.