Thanks all of you. Just too much of life and too much of feeling alone in it. Just trying to make it thru the days here and figuring out things. Missing my parents alot. With their birthdays being last month and this month and Mother's day this month and Father's day next month... the 19th year without my mom, and first year without my dad. And my dog being sick has worried me alot. Seems like everything is just falling apart around me and I don't know what to do to keep it all together. Somedays I feel I need a break at the psych ward. Just to recoup and re-evaluate things. But yet I hate it there.. had 3 days there like 4 yrs ago and that was enough. I need a vacation away from here. I need to be able to see the ocean and just plant myself there. Seems the only place I feel peace. But I am so bogged down with my hospital bills its not funny. So I won't be going anywhere anytime soon. So no peaceful place to go to. No arms to be in. nothing.... its just me and my foggy mind existing only by the beating of my heart. And most days anymore I wish I didn't have a heart at all.