OMG, Blue, I said this exact thing to my T yesterday

It's SUCH a yucky feeling to really FEEL how deep and seemly irreparable the damage is. And it's an awful feeling to be left with after therapy.

Sometimes I ask T to tell me stories of people who he's worked with who have healed, and he does, and I know he wouldn't lie, and that gives me some hope. There just HAS to be healing after all of this work, you know? I know that on some level, I believe it's possible, or I wouldn't keep showing up session after session after session.

But. Sometimes when I really FEEL the core of the damage and the shame and the yuckiness, it just feels so overwhelmingly big and TRUE that I get scared that healing isn't possible and in the end, T and I will just have to find a way to put a band aid on the wound to hide it and that will be that. I hate that feeling.

Just in the time I've known you, Blue, you've made SUCH huge changes, and you've grown SO much. I really believe - really, really believe - that if anyone can overcome those feelings, you can. Because you are NOT damaged beyond repair, and anyone watching you on your journey can clearly see that.

I heard someone say one "we can't heal what we don't feel" and I do think that's true. If we don't reach down and touch those hurt parts of us, if we just ignore them and wish they weren't there, things are never going to change. I think feeling and accepting what's there is part of the healing. And you are doing it.

to you, Blue. It won't always feel this bad.