Debbie,
Excellent post/reply.

Jammer,I and so many have been and some presently at the point, like you explained, I was miserable, my former T finally got frustrated with me, ragging on for months, in that miserable state, he told me the options, go to the pdoc he referred me to or find one,get oon treatment and things WILL get better. Refusing help, and moaning, *****ing and crying about all that was wrong in my life would only be just that,stagnating and being further consumed by anger and depression. I hated this feeling, and I was tired of the burden I felt daily. Sure I thought about the OTHER option, was treated for that, in about 2 months in the begining of treatment, things started to improve. I began to enjoy life, okay it's not always a party but it will do. I realized that I wasted so much time in life, stewing in anger, resentment (big time)just a circle over and over, pushing me down in a further depression, feeling ugly, no self-esteem, just not caring anymore, such stagnation. It boiled down to one thing which also is true for everyone, we have choices (my former T taught me) we can choose to remain miserable,allowing anger,depression,resentment, and all those negatives consume us. Whining, complaining,striking out at others and things, fueling depression, yes we can feed all these feelings by obsessing, fixating on just the negatives. OR we can do something about it, different things, group therapy, regular therapy,pdoc/treatment,hobbies,volunteer work,physical activity,research,enjoy days spent outdoor, try smiling at others the smile back can make YOU feel good.
These are things and more that can make YOU feel better, not having to think what will make others happy, just YOU.
I had finally got tired of being a people pleaser, and learned, made the choice not to, not to keep doing to make everyone happy but me. I had to slowly change that, that many things I was to do for others, being the people pleaser person, would have to start being mostly on my terms, the stress was getting overwhelming.
jammer, I hope you will try or learn or see, you can feel better, things CAN get better, but you have to make choices, not imprison yourself in misery, being angry with everything and everybody. What has happened inour pasts, we have to leave behind, dwelling and fixating on the past and bad times, do nothing for us in our present time. It is a waste of time and energy that can be used towards something present and most of all positive. Many of us here that have replied along this theme, know what it's like.You are not the only one, many of us have been to the deepest depths of hell and back. We made choices, many of us opted to stick around on this earth, and see that it offers so much beauty, warmth, besides the bad. It all depends what one chooses to be in.
Okay, enough of my ramblings, I apologize for the "soapbox".
Take care now,
DE

(((((((((((((((( Debbie )))))))))))))
((((((((((((((( jammer ))))))))))))))))))))))))