Tornmind,

I am so glad you posted this because i feel almost exacty the same way you do. I did have some SA from a neighbor, but by far, what hurt the most was the lack of emotional support, affection, validation, and training i needed but didn't get as a child from my parents.

Like you, i didn't have physical abuse. Nor were my needs for food, shelting, and clothing ignored. But my "self" was either ignored or made fun of. Even when i was hurting and in pain over something, my mom would act like she didn't notice. Even when my suffering was so obvious!! My dad would often drink and then pick on me and ridicule me until i became angry or broke down crying. My mom was usually within earshot and would usually say nothing to defend me. My parents would go out alot at night and leave us with babysitters, and then later, leave us alone at night. My dad was very critical of me and yelled alot. My parents didn't bring us up with morals or give us direction in life. They just let us go our own way and become who we were. I don't think my dad really liked being a father. He seemed constantly to be somewhat irritated/annoyed, especially with me. My mom was really into her job, and got her satisfaction from that. She was actually a really upbeat, happy person who was excited about her life and goals, and she was so busy living her life that she didn't notice what her kids needed from her emotionally. When one night, my parents found me at a pedophile's house, and i told them what he'd done to me, they just said "Don't go over there anymore." End of story. No help to understand what had happened. No help with my guilt. No turning him in to the authorities. Just. . .nothing. Was never mentioned again.

Despite all these things, the biggest problem i have in therapy, and in my healing work, is that, like you, i feel that somehow, i didn't have it "that bad". . .that i am just oversensitive and have blown things out of proportion. That other kids could have shrugged this stuff off. And that i'm being a bad daughter to be talking about my parents. Even though i feel such internal pain, a part of me feels that my pain is not justified. And because of this, i can't accept my pain because i don't feel that i have the right to complain or feel bad. Because of this, i feel very stuck.

I really wish somebody would tell me if i'm just making a big deal out of nothing. Do the things i've mentioned sound minor? I just feel like a fake somehow. Like a whiner. And it's sad, because in a way, i'm turning my back on my own reality -- thinking that somehow i am just wrong about all of this, and that the problem is me, that i am just being a baby about it.