i've tried to fight this feeling all week. i'm done with it. i cut and i feel better. i'm not feeling guilty about it because i feel better. i just hate the way one of our cats sat there and stared at me. the other's been spending all her time sitting on me lately, and i wonder if she's trying to help. it has kept me sitting and away from anything dangerous until now (i appreciate her love, but it's not enough).

feeling like i do now makes it harder to fight next time because i tried, and i tried to do anything else but the feeling stayed and now it's gone because i am bleeding it away. i'm already healing. i'm ready to move on with this week. why do i always bother to fight it for so long? i feel like it only makes me suffer longer.