I recently ended a several year relationship and, while I am happy that I got out of a bad situation, I am feeling very lonely. While I feel okay during the day, when I'm busy and around other people, I have a hard time in the evenings. It's the first time I have ever lived alone. It's weird not having someone to talk to, to cuddle with, to go places with, etc.
I'm also having a difficult time being able to fall alseep because I'm not accustomed to sleeping in my bed by myslef. I find myself wanting to talk to someone, hug someone, tell stories to someone-- but not having anyone there. I've been calling friends/family, and they have some time for me, but it just isn't quite filling the void right now.

And, to make matters worse, I just had my very last appointment with my T. She's moving away, so I can't see her anymore. In fact, I will probably never see or speak to her again. I don't think I've really processed or accepted that yet. My sessions with her are really what have been holding me together, so I feel like I'm going to fall apart now when I don't have our appointments to look forward to. And playing "talk to T" in my head doesn't really work anymore, because it only reminds me that I no longer have T in my life.

My last session with T was good, but there is one thing I wish I could change. I gave her a "thank-you" a card and I wish she would have read it before I left. I know that I could have asked her to do that (and I was planning on it), but it just felt weird in the moment. She was really nice about it-- she took the card and said thank-you-- but it seemed pretty clear she wanted to read it privately after I left. The only thing that sucks about that is that I wanted to get some kind of acknowledgement or reaction from her. I would have had no problem with her reading it in private if, afterwards, she could have sent me an e-mail or something just to acknowledge that she did read it and that she had a positive reaction to it. But, alas, my T and I never had an e-mail or phone relationship, so the last session really was our last contact. So now I feel like I'm going to wonder for the rest of my life: Did she like the card? How did it make her feel? What would she have said if I had insisted she read it before I left? It's just that I put so much effort into writing something nice and sincere, from the heart, and I really wanted her to know how greatful I am for our sessions. And, I know, the card communicates that-- but I just want to know that the message was received. And I guess I also have this fear of coming on too strong-- (which is why I ended up not asking her to read it in front of me-- I didn't want to be pushy)-- and I wish I had gotten confirmation from her that the card was accepted as a genuine gesture of my gratitude and that it didn't make her feel "weird," like I was too attached to her, or to our sessions, since I hadn't been seeing her for that long. But I guess there's nothing I can do about that now...

All I can do is start looking for a new T... but it is sssooooo hard to find a new T when you just want to see your old T. It feels like no one can ever measure up.